The Flesh Cartel #8: Loyalties (The Flesh Cartel Season 3: Transformation) - Heidi Belleau, Rachel Haimowitz I haven’t got a clue what the fuck is going on anymore… I am a mess, blubbering with the hopelessness of it all.


Gone are the sickening tortures that quite frankly had my stomach in my throat and my blood boiling in anger. We have had the sick and twisted mind games from the master manipulator… but through it all I held on to the belief that that spark of hope would stay true, but after this episode I am left with a slight glow of embers that are slowly fading.

Dougie is psychologically a broken man, he has turned into the mindless pet that Nikolai demands of him. Wanting and needing to please his master… he loves him!!! HE LOVES a man that has systematically abused and tortured and fractured his mind, manipulating him in the worse way possible, with his will no longer his own but his masters. Nikolai consumes his every thought, he spends his waking hours analysing and trying to anticipate his master and what he requires of him. He is conflicted, no longer knowing or understanding what is right or wrong. Dougie is all about the logic, but there is no logic here right is wrong, wrong is right… but hey, just suck it up Dougie… you are here to PLEASE!!!

In the last book with THAT ending! We saw Mat at his lowest point, no amount of torture or mind games could be used to bend his will because he wanted it, he wanted all the pain and hurt he felt he deserved. The tenuous thread that had kept him alive and fighting had been completely severed when that monster abused Dougie and without him he had nothing and Nikolai knows this… and so begins the next stage and he will use whatever means necessary to get what he wants… and in steps Roger, who is only too willing to help! WHY? Ohhh…lets just torture them with kindness now, yes, play the empathy card with Mat and the jealousy card with Dougie… and it was this that finally broke me!

Right now, I feel like Mat. No hope. How can this get better? How can they come out of this the other side sane? …Has Nikolai won? With Dougie he has what he wants, the adoration of a pliant pet, happy to be his whipping boy or fuck toy… anything to please Nikolai for just a little love and kindness.

This episode… that’s it!!! I see no way back now, the bastard has won! He is not adverse to playing any dirty trick in the book and quite frankly his are so bad they probably never made it to that book. This has so far been one helluva journey with these boys… and I love them both, but right now I feel as broken as them. Where is my sliver of hope? …gone I say, shattered and currently running down my face at an alarming rate… They made me cry, damn it! Really cry snot nose tears and that is so not attractive, this episode has fucked with my head, my heart and my emotions.

I feel like giving up, throwing my hands up and saying “you win, I give up” I’m not putting my heart through this anymore! But no… how can I? someone has to believe it will be alright in the end, keep the lines running, fight another day… these boys need me, someone has to have hope, right?!?

YES, I say… try your best ladies, I’m not giving up… BRING IT ON!!!

On a coherent note… These two authors are driving me crazy but they are amazingly talented, my emotions for this series is testament to that fact. The Flesh Cartel is a series that will consume you, their writing is such that they draw you in and like a cat they dig their claws in and they ain’t letting go ‘till they are good and ready, then I am sure they will come in with their band aid and make it all better.

If you haven’t read this series and you like the darker side of m/m fiction… I urge you to start at Episode 1 and enjoy the ride… it is excellent, not to be missed and certainly never forgotten!

This book was provided by Riptide publishing for a fair and honest review

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